


Butterfly

by Ariyana



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 11:18:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariyana/pseuds/Ariyana
Summary: It has been said many times that if you truly love something you should let it go. If it comes back, then it is yours but if it doesn't, then it was never meant to be. Can Kagura let Kyo go? Does Kyo truly want her to let him go? [Songfic]Originally published on December 29, 2004.





	Butterfly

**Title:** Butterfly  
**Author:** Ariyana  
**Rating:** 13+  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Pairing:** Kyo/Kagura

 **Summary:** It has been said many times that if you truly love something you should let it go. If it comes back, then it is yours but if it doesn't, then it was never meant to be. Can Kagura let Kyo go? Does Kyo truly want her to let him go?

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is the property of Natsuki Takaya. Butterfly lyrics written by Mariah Carey.

A/N: I actually wrote this for Challenge #1: Have Kyou start a relationship with Kagura without Tohru hooking up with Yuki first. From A Kyou/Kagura fan works site.

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Butterfly  
By Ariyana

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**_When you love someone so deeply_**  
**_They become your life_**  
**_It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside_**  


Everyone had always told her that making him her world was a mistake. That their relationship was doomed to fail. How could she be so devoted to someone who refused to acknowledge her existence? Over time she had learned to block the words out but the feelings remained. While she wore the facade of the overly exuberant, violently happy girl. Inside...inside was a different story. She knew it was silly to hope that he felt the same way about her but she couldn't help it. The fear of his looming rejection hung in the air. 

'I can't say why I lose my grip when Kyo is around. He is the only one who can make me feel and act this way.'

_'But Kagura acting that way only makes him recoil more.'_

'I know,' she replied softly.

She was aware of her shortcomings. She knew she could never be like Tohru. Tohru was everything she wasn't genuinely sweet, kindly worrying after others, always accepting and self-sacrificing. It killed her inside that she couldn't be more like Tohru, that all she could do was proclaim her undying love and devotion repeatedly until he got mad at her. She had lost count of all the times he had said something mean or thoughtless to her. She always managed to brush his words aside and continue on her quest to win his heart over.

**_Blindly I imagined I could_**  
**_Keep you under glass_**  


She had maintained that if she continued to love him and accept him that he would come around. She couldn't make up for the past. She had been frightened of his true form but that didn't mean she was willing to give up on him. She had been a small child when she first saw his monstrous true form but she still wasn't willing to push him away. She wouldn't let the others speak poorly of him in her presence. What did they know? They didn't know anything about him! So she clung to him. So wanted to protect him.

'It isn't my fault!' he bellowed.

'I know,' she answered softly.

How could she not want to protect him? Even as a child she could see how cruel the adults were to him. The choice seemed like the right choice at the time. She would always hold him dearly to her heart and protect him with all her might. He would be accepted even if it were merely her, who was doing the accepting. She loved him and that was all that mattered. At least she thought that was all that mattered.

**_Now I understand to hold you_**  
**_I must open up my hands and watch you rise_**  


It wasn't until the moment she saw the way he smiled while in Tohru's presence that she began to realize that maybe she wasn't what he needed. Slowly things began mounting within her. She felt herself breaking every time she saw Tohru heal another part of the damaged heart that resided within him. It was only a matter of time before he began to fall in love with Tohru. 

She wanted to hate Tohru but she couldn't do it. The realization that Tohru was the only one who can make him whole again was not lost on her. 

"Kagura, I don't love you that way. I'm sorry."

"I know," she answered softly.

The words that shattered her world, she had felt it coming but she didn't want to believe it. She would have to let him go and wonder if fate had ever had a plan for them.

**_Spread you wings and prepare to fly_**  
**_For you have become a butterfly_**  
**_Fly abandonedly into the sun_**  
**_If you should return to me_**  
**_We truly were meant to be, so spread your wings and fly_**  
**_Butterfly_**  


She learned to watch from afar. She couldn't make him her world but she couldn't help but want to continue to protect him. Tohru's influence could be seen by anyone with eyes. Yuki had more confidence and well Kyo had changed in many ways. He was becoming more mellow and open. 

Kagura made a promise to herself that she couldn't be selfish about Kyo anymore. He was falling in love with Tohru and he would most likely be better off for it. 

"Kagura, you have to move on with your life. I'm only telling you this because I care."

"I know," she answered softly.

**_I have learned that beauty_**  
**_Has to flourish in the light_**  
**_Wild horses run unbridled_**  
**_Or their spirit dies_**  


Her thoughts continued to remain with Kyo as she tried to move on with her life. She allowed one of her school friends to fix her up on a blind date in a futile attempt to get her mind off of Kyo. But he kept wandering through her mind. She wondered what he was doing. If he was happy, and she wondered if Kyo even missed her at all, if he ever thought of her at all.

"Kagura, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm sorry my mind is else where today. Do you mind if we call it an evening?" she asked softly.

"No, of course not. I'll walk you home."

"You don't have too. I'll be fine," she said firmly. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She had to sort out her feelings. Could she really wait for confirmation of Kyo and Tohru's love? Would she be strong enough to handle the moment that Kyo and Tohru dropped all false pretenses?

_'You're only hurting yourself more by dwelling on him.'_

'I know, I know...' she choked out.

**_You have given me the courage_**  
**_To be all that I can_**  
**_And I truly feel your heart will_**  
**_Lead you back to me when you're_**  
**_Ready to land_**  


'I can't say that being away from the center of my world doesn't hurt but I have to be strong. I can't be weak or selfish anymore. I have to think of what's best for Kyo,' she said determined.

If he was truly, deeply with all his heart in love with Tohru, then who was she to stand in the way of his happiness? She put up a brave front but deep inside a part of her wanted and craved Kyo's love still. She knew his heart would never heal within her loving embrace. Yet the hope that he might come back to her and change his mind stayed with her.

_'It's silly to clung to false hope you stupid girl!'_

'I know...'

**_Spread your wings and prepare to fly_**  
**_For you have become a butterfly_**  
**_Fly abandonedly into the sun_**  
**_If you should return to me, we truly were meant to be_**  
**_So spread your wings and fly_**  
**_Butterfly_**  


A blind man could see that Kagura wasn't doing well. She cried when he told her the truth. He had given her as much comfort as he was capable of but her tears would not change the truth. He had seen her a couple of times since he had told her the truth. She hadn't seen him but even if she had he doubted she had the strength to attack him. It wasn't that she looked unhealthy it was more that the spark in her eyes had extinguished.

The high-spirited girl was replaced with a quiet blink person. She looked like Kagura but she wasn't the Kagura he knew. Did she really change into whole another person because of his rejection? Was it his fault that she was a shell of her former self?

'Why does it always have to be my fault?' 

_'So you weren't the one who rejected her so flatly?'_

'Yes but...'

_'Is her reaction all that surprising? She made you her world since you were small children. So truly, are you really surprised?'_

'I...I don't know.'

_'So you think you can love Tohru but you have been running from love all your life. What makes you think you can love Tohru? Does Tohru deserve someone who knows how to reject love but knows nothing of giving love freely?'_

'No, she deserves better. I can't let myself be selfish about Tohru.'

_'Think about what you are saying. Are you prepared to let Tohru choose her own path even if it doesn't lead to you?'_

'Yes, I just want her to be happy.'

That one thought rang through his mind. Kagura's blink gray eyes came to his mind next. He felt incredibly empty inside. He wondered if that was what Kagura was feeling. Tohru would never just flat out reject someone she would use tact. She would take the other person's feelings into account. She would try to be as gentle as possible. Maybe the others were right. Maybe monsters could never love.

'Oh Kyo, Akito is wrong about you. You're not a monster. I love you no matter what. I'll always love you.' 

Eight-year-old Kagura looked so sincere when she spoke those words. How could he forget about how pure that moment had been? Who was really the one being selfish him or her?

**_I can't pretend these tears_**  
**_Aren't overflowing steadily_**  
**_I can't prevent this hurt from_**  
**_Almost overtaking me_**  
**_But I will stand and say goodbye_**  
**_For you'll never be mine <_**  
**_Until you know the way it feels to fly_**  


Tears slowly rolled down her cheek as Kyo stood before her. She hadn't meant to let the tears escape but the pain she felt in her heart overwhelmed her brain.

Tears, always the damn tears, why do women have to cry? He only wanted to make things right with Kagura. So he didn't feel that he could love her, the way she wanted, but that didn't mean he wanted to lose her from his life. Words, always the damn words would fail him when he needed them most. Where the hell are the words now that I have her attention?

"Kyo, I'm sorry for all the trouble I have been to you. I didn't mean to smother you with unwanted attention. I just wanted you to know that no matter what somebody loved you. I know now that it was wrong of me to force my unrequited love on you. I didn't realize I was making things worst. So please, Kyo can you forgive me?"

Kyo felt the air forcibly leave his lungs. She was giving up on him. She was finally preparing to walk away. She was rejecting him and trying to soften the blow by asking for forgiveness. Is this what he wanted? Why did he feel like she had just punched him in his gut?

Kyo tried to find his voice and answer Kagura but before the words could leave his lips. She pecked him lightly on the cheek and ran away from him.

"I'm sorry for everything!" she shouted running away from Kyo before she loss her wits again.

**_Spread your wings and prepare to fly_**  
**_For you have become a butterfly_**  
**_Fly abandonedly into the sun_**  
**_If you should return to me_**  
**_We truly were meant to be_**  
**_So spread your wings and fly_**  
**_Butterfly (my butterfly)_**  


He had set out to make things right with Kagura but now things were more confused. What did he feel for Kagura? Friendship, love, what? He dragged his mind for the answers but found none. Kagura had given him space, she had walked away...walked the hell away from him. Did Kagura really love him? Did he really love Tohru? Could Tohru really love him? So many questions and no answers in sight, it was damn frustrating! Why did Kagura have to raise so many questions with her behavior? Why was he having this surge of emotions for her now?

_'Perhaps you miss her?'_

'Shut up!'

_'You just don't want to hear the truth. It's easier to believe that you're a monster incapable of love.'_

'I don't think you're a monster, Kyo,' her soft voice hung in his mind.

_'Is it so hard to admit that maybe, just maybe, she is as genuine with her love as Tohru?'_

'Kagura is not Tohru!'

_'No, she is not Tohru but that doesn't make her any less sincere.'_

The look in her eyes...those gray eyes; it always came down to those gray eyes staring at him.

'I'm sorry for everything.' The last words he had heard from her before she walked away.

'She's done with me.'

_'You're the one who pushed her away. You've always been good at that.'_

'Okay! So it is my fault she walked away! What do you want me to do?'

_'Fix it! Make things right again. Stop running away.'_

'What if she rejects me?'

_'It would be no less than you deserve.'_

'I know...I know.'

**_Spread your wings and prepare to fly_**  
**_For you have become a butterfly_**  
**_Fly abandonedly into the sun_**  
**_If you should return to me_**  
**_We truly were meant to be (you and I)_**  
**_So spread your wings and fly (spread your wings and fly)_**  
**_Butterfly_**  
**_So flutter through the sky_**  
**_Butterfly_**  
**_Fly_**  
**_Spread your wings and fly_**  
**_Butterfly_**  


Doubts and more questions plagued his mind. Could she forgive him for being selfish? Would she accept him back into her life? Should he just leave her be and allow her the chance to be happy with someone else? That last thought made him frown. The thought of her love and devotion directed at someone else was more than he could take. Since their last parting all he did was obsess over her. It had never occurred to him that she wouldn't be there anymore. How could he have known how much it would hurt to watch her walk away? This stupid curse it mucks up everything...no not the curse. His own insecurities had been his undoing.

Kagura would always be Kagura. She accepted everything about him. Now it was his turn to do the same. So what if she wasn't like Tohru. It didn't mean she wasn't a good person.

"Kyo?" a surprised voice speaks.

He looks up to see those gray eyes staring at him again. He feels he might lose his nerve again if he lets her speak again. He quickly finds his voice.

"Kagura..." he pauses to gather his courage. "I..."

"What's wrong?" she asks with concern.

He has to be strong. He has to be the person that deserves her love. "I know what I said to you was harsh and unforgivable. We both know I'm not good with words...but...I'm working on it."

"Kyo?" she whispers softly.

"I hate the way I am. I want to be a better person. The kind of person who can make Shishou proud...but I also want to be the kind of person...no I want to be the kind of man who deserves your love," he admits, daring to look into those gray eyes that have been haunting his mind.

Tears; always tears! Somehow these tears are different though. Through the tears he sees something kindling in those gray eyes. Could that be what some call hope?

"Kagura, would you consider giving me another chance? I know we were never really dating but I miss you."

She is ecstatically happy but she is frozen on the spot. Is this a dream? Did he really come back to her?

"What about Tohru? I can never be like Tohru."

With Tohru like wisdom he answers, "Tohru is Tohru and Kagura is Kagura. I don't want you to be Tohru, I want you to be Kagura," he pauses but finally adds. "The Kagura I know and love."

The word hits her like a ton of bricks. Love...he loves her. She can't help but throw herself into his arms, knocking him over in the process. She smiles sheepishly, embarrassed over her outburst.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he whispers. He doesn't want her to apologize for her love anymore. They both are awkward when it comes to expressing their feelings. But it was something they could work on together.


End file.
